So, I’ve been going to a writers’ meeting recently, once a week.  Most of them are into various types of interesting (and I say this in all affection) woo.  So, I’ve gotten the reputation of being the group’s “Scully” to their “Mulder”.  It is in that spirit of lighthearted conjecture that I present the following theory.

The classic alien abduction story generally includes the following elements.

1) I was in my bed.

2) I saw a bright light.

3) I was lifted off my bed.

4) I was brought to a spaceship/the aliens placed me on a table.

5) They probed my anus.

6) They returned me back again.

7) They do this periodically to me.

These stories were shared pretty heavily in the 80’s, inspiring books and made-for-TV movies.  However, it wasn’t until I became a new mother, that I realized who the aliens where and why they were so interested in our anuses.

1) I go to check my baby’s diaper while he is sleeping.

2) I turn on the light.

3) I lift him out of bed.

4) I put him on the changing table.

5) I change his diaper and wipe his ass.

6) I return him back to bed.

7) I do this periodically.

This has been a joke of mine for a long time, however, I’m kidding on the square.  It would be an interesting thing to investigate, I think, if very young memories might manifest in adulthood as bizarrely contextualized fairy tales.